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Another exam... - Keeper of the Cages
jazzbandmusic
jazzbandmusic
Another exam...
Probably another failure really! Well it's that time of year again when one gets stressed to the max and continues smiling like the loone I am so noone notices just how stressed I am.

Took last friday and today off to revise as the exam is tomorrow morning. As to the revision schedule not so much, but I have tried relaxing which has helped. I don't feel as ill as I did. It can't be good to get so worried about things that you make yourself feel ill. Not that anyone at work would notice. Can't really let on because at the end of the day noone really cares there. I keep thinking to myself just this many more to go and then you can leave. It's just never ending and this many more really isn't shrinking - well that's my fault for failing, but lets pretend I didn't just say that and say the universe (or examiners) are conspiring against me!

I was a bit of an idiot on Friday - made myself an appointment to go to the doctors on Tuesday afternoon, which would be find, but I'd been promising myself a trip to the big museum in Liverpool after my exam, so I suppose that isn't going to happen now. Oh well I'll just have to put it off again for a while.

Not a lot really happening in my world, though there are several people now engaged and getting married and others that are reaching the grand-old age of 30! shock horror! I shall be joining them next year and so far my plans for that extend to taking a loooooong holiday and treating myself. If that happens it should be brilliant, but if not well another dream to postpone I guess. Maybe when I'm 35 or 40 or... and it just goes on! Hopefully by the time I'm 35 or at the most 40 I'll have a house of my own. Well that's another dream that's rather wispy and transparent.

Hmmm I've been thinking that as of 6th July I shall be 29 heading to 30 so to mark such a transition and important year I should and will endeavour to post at least once a day, or if unable to post one day make several the next possible day. It shall be a documentation of my very boring a sad life, but well on the whole that is what life is isn't it. Everyday a plod until a sudden rush flash and than back to the plod again. Maybe I shall spend the year playing the lottery and you never know "it could be me"! I doubt it, but "you've got to be in it to win it" right?!

Miss the uni life - well mostly as I do like seeing that monthly amount going into my bank. It's the whole freedom. Not necessarily the lack of structure as I fail miserably when there is none, case in point my dissertation and my current professional exams! It's living my life in my space and doing things when and how I want. I know if I had my own space I'd fail at doing anything productive or on time, but I'd have the intention and I would most definitely employ a cleaner - I just have no wish to clean and it would be my one luxury I'd even forgo all my favourite tv just to pay for it!

I suppose I'm too polite a person - can someone be too polite I wonder? I suppose today yes people can. I defer to my elders, who are not necessarily my betters and nor do they know better, but still I defer as I was taught to treat them with respect. I don't interrupt people when they are talking, which can get rather annoying when I can't remember what I wanted to say when they have finished talking or the topic has moved on which makes what I want to say completely redundant anyways. I don't use rude words outside of my head, though on occasion I will whisper them or get them most of the way out before I change them into something completely harmless like "fudge" or "flip" or "anchor" etc. I don't talk back and I don't shout and I don't show if I'm angry or hurt or a million other things. I smile politely at all times and agree and stew in my head. Hmmmm I suppose one day it will all explode - it's fun when it happens, but afterwards not so much that's when I have to deal with myself and worry about what people think of me and well years later I still go over the situation that I exploded in and wonder if I'd done something different things wouldn't have exploded so spectaularly!

Life is what you make it, so if you find things not working out you should have an exit strategy and move towards something that does work. Wonder what a part qualified accountant can do or change into. Maybe that tea shop is a good idea, but it become a reality is an imposibility with out backing and all the rest of it. I like what I do, but I'm not sure I like where I do it or is the people I do it with? I'm not sure and I suppose the people are really in-offensive, though some of them are just made to rub everyone up the wrong way.

Tonight is Glee - I think it may be the end of the series. I hope it's a good and happy one because last weeks was awfully sad. The writers on everything seem to be making the end couple of episodes of all series terribly sad and making me cry. Bones there was poor Mr Nigel Murray - cried my eyes out. They made up for it with the Bones/Booth ending and his face at the end soooo cute and happy - I have always loved it when he smiles both here and when there was the occasional crack in the "broody vampire" look of Buffy and Angel. Murdoch Mysteries such an awful cliff-hanger I mean it just stopped and now I have to wait another million months before the new series is on. I was majorly not happy over Julia getting married. Everyone was an idiot and didn't see that William was completely in love and would do anything and last season she had just run off with out giving him the chance to tell her he didn't care and still wanted her. Poor boy. NCIS now two weeks ago "Swan Song" cried at that one. How could they kill Franks and Poor Gibbs. Then the end of the season Tony's all being read in and there's a picture, but who's he going to be shadowing and argh I think it's Leon (he still annoys me grrr evil), but he was in the room when Tony looked at the picture. It can't be Gibbs and it can't be the team, but then the eyebrow when he saw the picture someone close I think it is. So yes another million years to wait for details. Castle well I'm not sure they keep jumping from "Oh noes that's mean" and "Oh my that is hysterical and brilliant". Hmm all the series started together and they are all slowly finishing which means at least 6 months or so with nothing interesting to watch except repeats. Well there is new Lie to Me so that's good, but still hum.

I think I've finished with my kangaroo impression for the day - I just can't stick to one topic at a time. Does this bode well or ill for tomorrow, who knows. Either way I will be waiting until August the something to find out if I managed to royally mess up again or not. I'm hoping not as I can't bring myself to do it again (I think this might be either sitting 3 or 4 so yeah)

Hope it's all shiny and good or at least there are some silver linings in your world.

Love S xxx

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