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Not the best thoughts to be having at work - Keeper of the Cages
Not the best thoughts to be having at work
So today I decided in a decisive and no messing around or skirting the issue way...

I don't like my job.

Simple as that. I like the people and it's really interesting the stuff they do there, what with the labs etc, but I don't get to do that. All I do is deal with people asking for money and getting dumped on when things go arse up.

I've been saying and thinking this isn't the job I want, but I keep telling myself that they are going to pay for my training etc etc.

That is no reason to stay in a job. It's time to think seriously.

I'm not happy. I don't want to be there.

I know I want to be an accountant in an accounting firm.

I want to go see the world though. I have the money to do that and still manage to survive. Why didn't I just turn the job down and do what I'd always planned? Because I saw the shiny and didn't want to let anyone down by saying no.

Now I'm stuck in a job that I really rather detest feeling bad about the possibility of letting everyone down if I quit, but feeling even worse as I see what I want floating away from me and many many years of invoices and payment runs drowning me.

I'm 22 for pity's sake I should be having fun or at least trying things out for myself.

Stacy (manager woman), whilst nice enough just irritates me to no end. I don't know what it is and I feel bad when I let "it" get to me. I'm not meant to be a Purchase Ledger Clerk - I don't understand the job I don't like the fact that if we get put on stop by suppliers that I'm the one to blame, even if it's not me who didn't get the invoice signed. I don't have the personality required to be a purchase ledger clerk. I can do accounts standing on my head I know it can be boring, but you know what I like it. It's a world where all you see is the end product of a years worth of income and expenditure all you have to do to it is analyse it produce the accounts and get paid for it.

I never intended to go and study straight after uni. I was hoping that I'd have a year off or something like that instead here I am looking at AAT and ACA course. I know I have to do them at some point, but not now. I want to do something just because not because I have to.


I'm going to bed now to cuddle my teddy and have a good cry. Thank you for either reading or skipping this post.

Current Mood: confused Torn

3 comments or Leave a comment
From: hunting_orc Date: May 9th, 2005 11:41 am (UTC) (Link)
[tried to reply to this earlier at work, but it died]

can you not take time off? then come back to it?

jazzbandmusic From: jazzbandmusic Date: May 9th, 2005 10:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know and I wouldn't know how to ask in the first place. You know what I'm like when it comes to confrontations. Any way I don't think they'd let me seeing as I've only been there 8 months. I think maybe if I do the year, but at the date of a year I'm supposed to be starting my AAT. I don't know how to sort it when I said to Stacy I want to do my AAT. I know I can't go on like this though because in the end I'm going to regret what I have and haven't done. I just don't like the thought of letting everyone down when they went to all the bother of hiring me and then having to find someone else and train them to take my place.

I doesn't help when Angela keeps telling me to do what makes me happy, when I know what will make me happy will make others not so. (damnit why do I have this pleasing people complex thingy?!)

Miss our midnight talks in the car! Need a sane person right now.
(Deleted comment)
jazzbandmusic From: jazzbandmusic Date: May 13th, 2005 07:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you I needed that ::hugs::
3 comments or Leave a comment